Not Ready...STILL

It so happens that I am not at all ready for anyone, but me and the hubs, to watch lil' man. I came into this thinking, once he's three months, no problem! I was SO WRONG! In the beginning Moi was the one saying he didn't want anyone watching Eli until he was six months. I was on the fence..what six months, when are we gonna have us time?! Well now we have changed roles! It's not like I don't trust our parents, I just know they don't know Eli the way I KNOW my Eli. I know what every different cry, squeal, grunt and smile means. I know all his lil' signs ~ the tightening of his fists, the way he sucks on his two lil' fingers, when his face turns bright red and I just don't know if I'm not with Eli, if they'll know what's wrong with him. I just picture him crying and crying (which he will do) until they figure out his problem and I just can't handle thinking of him crying for minutes on end. It literally kills me inside to think of him crying for so long, I mean eventually they'd figure out what was wrong, but HOW long would it take. I can't take the suspense and don't want to, just yet. I know Moi and I need alone time, but as the quote goes, In due time. I miss Moi like crazy, but all I can ever say is I'm just NOT ready. 


I know all mommies go through this, and I give props to those who have to go back to work. That would be so traumatizing to me. I couldn't imagine leaving Eli now. He's still so young and still needs mommy around. The one person he trusts! To be honest I'm not sure when I'll be ready, but Moi has been so great! He hasn't pushed me or made me feel bad for feeling this way. Eli and me have made such an amazing bond. We are so connected and I can tell he senses that. I love that mommy can make things all better. That is the most amazing feeling! Knowing that in just three short months, without much verbal communication Eli knows mommy will be there for him, he trusts me that much. My promise to Eli, is that he'll always have that trust with me.


So now we wait and see. I'm thinking and hoping maybe in the next two months, but I'm not guaranteeing anything. Baby steps...baby steps or as I call them Eli steps :)

So now I leave pix of my wonderful b'day outting @ Seaport Village

break time 

She loves posing

Check out the shades :)
This day was funny cuz lil' man was NOT feeling seaport village AT ALL! Then the moment we leave he was laughing and screaming and SO excited! That lil booger butt...He couldn't wait till we left!