Coming around and Fast..

Today was a day of somewhat sadness. You see my sister's husband is getting deployed at the end of this week. 6-12 months they say. But with the military you really never know. And as much as I hate what the military stands for and the fact that he's leaving my pregnant sister to fight for something I believe is a bunch of BULL, I knew that my feelings needed to be put aside. Cuz, my sister needed us. And I could see the tears under her fake smile. I could sense her fear. Her heartache. My heart felt so heavy. The whole family got together to say our good byes. Everyone went on camera to say what they felt and all I could think of was my sister's gonna be all alone. I couldn't imagine NOT having Moi's support through my pregnancy. Feeling so alone. 


As I entered the room, hiding from Marc so he couldn't see what we were doing, the camera was center and ready to get my testimony. I was kinda lost for words. I felt sad. I wanted to cry. But I put on a fake smile and said our good bye's as Eli finished it off with a wave. I promised I'd take care of Marisa and watch over that innocent life that was soon gonna enter this world. Everything flew out the window and I was over my pride. My anger. He made a mistake. But he's leaving, for a LONG time and my anger won't travel with him but just with me, so why hold onto something that has no meaning?! I was coming around to him and FAST. I don't know if it was guilt on my part for feeling like that, or just the mere fact that he's a human being that truly made a mistake. I hated myself for feeling like that for so long, but I think I needed closure. And I got it. That chapter has officially closed. No ending. Just done. A new novel will start when he comes back. I do know that. 


I can feel God working through all of this with me. Helping me let go. Cuz to be honest, I don't think I could have done this myself. I know Friday is right around the corner. And I'm ready with open arms to just hug my sister and tell her that he'll be fine, when in reality I really don't know if he'll be fine. All I know is with God's guidance, God will be watching over Marc. Making sure that God sees what we can't. Filling Marc's heart with moments of happiness when he's sad. Filling his mind with dreams of holding that Lil' girl. Giving Marc the HOPE that he'll come home sooner than later. I will be praying every nite for him and my sister. I love them so much. And I know, no matter what is in store for them God will be guiding them through this rough time, comforting them with the touch of the Holy Spirit. 

35 min...

I did it.


My first lil' race. 3 miles and in 35 mins. It was a run plus lil' obsticles we had to go thru. Tire, rope and hill climbing. Wall hoping. army crawling in the sand. running through freezing cold water. I mean frozen. I was so NOT ready, but figured it would be fun. Once I started I was determined I was gonna jog, hence the word jog. I was not ready to speed through this. Afterall, I haven't ran in months. Literally. So I got my running shoes on, along with my wonderful tutu my cuzin made and our adorable shirts and lined up to hear that famous word, GO! Off we all went. It was a lil' group of us of possibly six. We were the Fabulous Divas, going with the theme of Dashing Diva of the run.


I was so proud of myself. I was not sure I could do it. But I did. And in the rain. On and off rain, but I gotta say it was pretty darn cold. I loved it. I did. After much thought I really enjoyed it :) I guess I just don't got much motivation when it comes to running, but we have decided to try and do one every few months!

can u fall in love more than once...

I have. But this is with the same lil' boy that steals my heart more and more!


Every morning when I enter his room and see that adorable face pop up right above his crib, my heart virtually beams from under my chest. 


As posted in previous posts, I have to admit my love for Eli wasn't instant. And as awful and unmotherly (sp?) it may sound, my love for Eli grew as I got to know him. Of course much of it was due to the baby blues that turned to postpartum depression, but I don't have anger over it. I look at it as a blessing in disguise. I know the feeling of what it is to TRULY LOVE Eli cuz at one time it was hiding. Don't get my words mixed, I loved Eli, but I didn't know it. It was buried underneath layers and layers of something that emotionally I couldn't express at the time. But, I didn't let it beat me. I was a fighter and this wasn't going to take away the ONE thing that I so desperately wanted to LOVE. I never wanted to LOVE something more than the way I wanted to Love my sweet Eli.


But with prayer (lots of it) and the attitude of a boxer I KO'd the depression. The first few rounds it may have gotten over on me, but that last round I made sure I wasn't gonna go down with out my arms flying and punches steering its way. And I WON with a few seconds to spare! 


Thinking about that time, I can still physically feel how I felt and it reminds me that I will NEVER feel that again. Becuz I know mentally I can't. I Love Eli so unconditionally that my love for him is deeper than I truly ever thought I could feel. I tell people the only way I can describe how I feel about Eli is imagine being on roller coaster, that automatic sensation you get when it drops. Your heart flutters and you're in euphoria. Eli is my euphoria. Even a simple thought of him and I escape off to that feeling. And honestly I fall deeper in love with him, every single day. I didn't even believe that was possible. Oh, but it is. And I'm so grateful for it. I love being Eli's mama. 

He makes my heart smile...

I honestly can't tell you how much this kid cracks me up!

I love this lil' boy

and 

now our house

is full of loudness 

that I'm

LOVING!

Feb 4th

So I'm going for Feb 4th.


My Valentines Photo shoot. 


I so hope I get at least a few hits. I still gotta find a place. I'm hoping to do Eli's gymboree class cuz I know I'll get a bunch of hits there. But we'll see the cost. Hopefully not TOO much. I need exposure and even if this doesn't bring a lot of cash, I'm hoping my name can be put out there.


So I did a quick lil' photo shoot with Lil' man and that was a horrible idea. He's teething like crazy and ALL he wanted to do was crawl on the new floor mat I got. So with that said I threw together a quick flyer. Hopefully it'll attract a few ppl. Please God let it attract at least one! 

whatcha think?!?

It's really happening!

I'm doing it. I can't believe how MUCH work it takes to get started in photography. A lot. More than I really contemplated or even anticipated. But I'm willing to put all my sweat and tears (yes tears have already shed), but I want this so bad. Moises is amazing and so supporting. I couldn't do without him. But man, I've cancelled orders, ordered more of the same orders (stupid business cards came out horrible) and well just about on this thing 50% of my time. In the morning I let Eli play in his lil' play corner we made for him and he's gated in, so NO trying to escape. Eli has completely mastered crawling and is getting really fast at it. He plays for a good 45 min so I can go through my morning emails and my orders. Then I devote the rest of the day with him and once he's in bed, back on here I go. The past few nights when I check the time, morning is only a few hours away. Yes, that's how much work this is. But I am praying it all works out. I hope it does. I really hope Moi can quit most if not ALL his call. I love having him home. And my photo shots only take a few hours. I've had a few run ins and question if this is really what I should be doing, but then Moi reminds me how much I really want this and lifts me back up. Him and Eli are my life and they truly help pick me back up when I wanna give up. Hopefully my first shoot will be Feb 4th if all goes through. 

8 Month Mark...

Gosh. Eight months since I had lil' man. He's really eight months?! Really?! I ask myself this everyday as I watch Eli growing up so much. He's no longer a baby. He's a lil' individual with his own likes and dislikes. This past month Eli has really grown a lot. Physically he looks like a lil' toddler. His face is thinning out. And he's such a strong lil' boy. Mentally he is just a hoot. He has the sweetest demeanor. I don't see him being a bully or mean kid. He "officially" gives besitos. Which I think is everyones absolute favorite. He gives such big cuddly hugs. He's just the best.


Rite now at this point he is playing in his crib, which he should be taking a nap. Lil' booger.


So two days ago marked his eight month birthday. Of course we had a feast for dinner. Potatoes, rice some veggies with a nice seasoned chicken breast for lil' man. Yup he's a oinker, still! Nothing new. And he can take down all that food I just typed out. With maybe a few times dropping it, but mainly it all makes it in his mouth. And he stuffs it, like a lil' chipmunk. It's so nice now cuz he can also feed himself actual food. I was determined (of course when he was ready) to get him to feed himself. And it's so nice. We have dinner together. I don't gotta feed him his pureed food and then eat my now cold food. We all eat at once. And Eli is our entertainment. We just laugh at that goofers.


Well Eli your officially crawling. You literally just started one day. 


You give hugs now and of course have continued on your wonderful besitos. 


You are now heading into 18 month clothes. 


You are starting to stand and the funniest thing is when people are holding you, you like to crawl down their legs and just stand holding onto their legs. I love you bubba


You still don't say to much. You just blow bubbles. Momma took you to the docs and we really can't determine anything until you officially know "what" you are saying. At first I thought it might be your hearing, but I think now it might be because your tongue tied. So we'll see bubs!


You love your doggies. And the doggies LOVE LOVE you! You know how to push the pups face away if they give to to many kisses. People laugh when they see that.


You are still not a TV kid. But now you can crawl, so you aren't so bored when mommy has to do things around the house. 


You sleep so good through the night. Going to bed between 7-8 and all the way till 8 the next morning. Yeah!!


You take a sippie like a champ. Mommy and daddy never really used a bottle with you, so the transition was pretty easy. And you LOVE drinking out of a cup. Esp. cold water.


You take 2 naps. One at 11ish and another at around 5ish...


you reach for us (momma and daddy) 


You love gymboree class. I love it for you.


You eat everything and anything. I'm so glad you don't need purees. It's so much easier

Buddy I go over in mind eight months ago when I had you. How I felt. How you were this vunerable lil' thing. That couldn't fen for yourself. Completely dependant on momma and daddy. And now, you are so big. Everyday your growing and learning so much. You can move about. You really are my sweet angel.

I can't tell you how many times Eli has saved me....

Over and over. He is my absolute life. Before Eli entered my life I was destined to become a singer. I loved singing. All the time. I still sing. But I now know that wasn't meant to be my life. I know I was meant to be Eli's mommy. Rite now. Rite this moment. Not a few years down the road. Cuz to be honest he is my driving force in life. Yes I wanted to sing. But I wasn't motivated. Not until my sweet lil' love entered my life. And now I can't see leaving Eli, even if hypothetically I were to become the most famous singer, I can't be away more than a few hours away from my booger. I don't know how people who travel all the time from home could be away so long from their child or children for that matter. My priorities definitely changed the moment I fell in love with Eli. So when I thought, hey I should try singing again, my thoughts shifted. Wait, I have a baby. I'll be away from him. And a lot. It became clear that I was not willing to put being a mother to Eli aside to full fill my dream I once had. My dream was no longer singing. It was and is Eli. 


So as my inspiration and motivation began to grow, so did my love for photography. Moi surprised me with a new lens and I promised myself that I was gonna go for it. It was a new year. This year is my year. And honestly I can't tell you how happy I am. I needed this outlet. I'm constantly doing research. How to improve my skills. Signing up for classes. Just absorbing all that I can about photography. Don't get me wrong, there is so MUCH I need to learn, but I'm ready to test out my skills. So on the Internet I went. Ordering and ordering and ordering :) My goal is to start up a small traveling studio. My main focus is on newborn photography along with family photo. I wasn't into the whole engagement/wedding. But again, Eli is my motivation. He really is the reason I am doing this. I am so thankful that God put him in my life. I have such an amazing feeling about this year. I can't wait to tell Moi to finally quit call. That'll be the day. And I know it isn't too far away. I just know it. A child really adds that extra spark in your life, that once was so far away. That light that was just barley flickering is now blazing. And all thanks to my lil' man. My bubba lou. Gosh how did I live without him. He is my life. And I'll continue to say that. Thanks my sweet angel love for helping mommy grow. Helping me see my potential and still having the chance to be the "Bestest mommy" to you.

Is he really ...

Crawling...

Yup Lil' man just started last nite. I was just chilling at my madgy's house and Eli just started to move those chunky lil' legs of his. I was laughing so hard. I'm not sure why. I was just in shock how big my boy is now. Eli kept looking at me like, "Mom, what is your deal!" Relax! I was just so excited. He crawls so awkward, but he's the cutest awkward crawler. Mama loves you bubba lou!!

Reality Check..

Last nite I got a good reality check.


I used to be a self absorbed, self proclaimed diva as some would call me, your typical selfish twenty-four year old. I really didn't care about anyone, but myself, even though I "thought" I did. I was living in a world that only had me living in it. You would never really think I came from a family of five. 


But last nite when I was talking to my mom and sister, I was slapped in the face with the old me. :( I don't like the old me. The words I was saying weren't me, well the me now. I can get caught up with things and have a lil' anxiety, so when I went a lil' off on them, they reminded me I needed to check myself. I quickly composed myself and caught that I was being such a brat. A big baby, really only thinking about myself and how busy I was. But it's good to have a family that grounds me. We all composed ourselves and slowly quieted our voices and went over what we "ALL" meant. I was being a lil' over dramatic and needed that. Yes, I went off on them especially my sister, but came to realize they were just trying to let me know how ridiculous I sounded. After all it was all over a stupid phone call I needed to make. But I wanted to make my point. We all do it. We all think we are rite. That we aren't in the wrong doing. We rarely look back and think were we wrong? If anything we continue to convince ourselves all the rite points we forgot to point out. But I think that was the difference last nite. I stopped and came to the realization that it was me. Why did I have to dig so deep to prove that I was to busy to make a stupid phone call. But I guess this is what's called, "Growing Up." You actually take a step back and realize how stupid you sound. I sounded so dumb. Really selfish. Really immature and straight up bratty. 


But I think we all need our families to help remind us who we are. Who we don't wanna become. A family doesn't lie to you. Families are the ones to tell you when your wrong when no one else will. I'm thankful for my family. I'm thankful that I'm no longer that person, even though at times she can slip out. But I think everyone has their moments. It's just recognizing it and fixing it before it let's out its wrath.

Its party time

Yup in four short months, my sweet lil' man who at one time in his lil' life only weighed 8lbs and now my 20 plus pounder is gonna be ONE in May. Sometimes I gotta look in the mirror and actually tell myself that I have a lil' boy who will be one soon. To, to soon, but it's coming whether I like it or not. 


So I figure that if I'm gonna have a one year old, then we gotta get the show on the road. Lil' man's first life needs to be celebrated BIG. At first I was gonna go with the whole carnival theme, but after much thought, I came to the notion that I mite be over my head with that. I was beginning to over plan and wanted every possible thing I could find that was connected with the carnival theme and I was losing my mind. I knew I had to stop, take a lil' breather and rethink that decision. It took a few nites before determining that I was gonna ex that and go for my new favorite theme. Superhero. Yup!! Eli the Superhero. I found a blog about a superhero party and just LOVED it. I hadn't seen that ever. It was so unique and fun. And Eli is my superhero. He has saved me. Truly. So why not?! I'm super excited cuz thankfully I found a seller on Etsy.com that has a party package with the Superhero theme. Eli is gonna have the cutest 1st birthday ever. I love that lil' boy so much. So anywho, I'm starting the capes and masks soon. And our DIY photobooth/costume change for all the other superhero's that will be joining Eli on his quest to save his 1st birthday :)

Starting on the rite track

So far I've been so good about what I wanted to "change" this year in me. The new and improved me. I've decided not to go on a diet, especially since I am still nursing Eli. I've just cut out the bad food. Less sugar and unessary just plain ol' junk food. And so far, I've lost 2 lbs. Yipee!! On New Yrs day I drove up to Poway which is about 30 mins from my house to drop off our donations to Deborah's Rescue Sanctuary. I'm so excited to start work with her. This Sat I am gonna go take the pictures I promised of ALL the millions of dogs she has at her rescue. Oh and I also have been cooking breakfast and dinner. Which is so nice. I really am enjoying our family dinners at the table. Last nite Eli was a hoot!! 


And to TOP it off, I started my photography page. My facebook page. And the name is E.M.G Photography. You ask how I came about it?! :) Well I wanted something that would roll of your tongue. Something that would be easy to remember, so I knew using my name would be the absolutely worst idea. No one can ever say or read my name right, so that was a big FAT NO!! I wanted to incorporate Lil' man into it, since he kinda was the start of it. I originally got my camera to capture all his moments. Then it just came to me. Use his initials. Elijah Moises Garcia. Perfect. And then when I put photography after it, it just rolled so well together. Yup, this was it. I love it!!
http://www.facebook.com/pages/EMG-Photography/267721713291898
I can't wait to get my logo done for the copyright. So many new and fun things are gonna happen this year. I can't wait...

My favorite season is over :(

Wow. 
This month surely flew by. Way, way too fast for my liking. And in just eight short days my lil' man will be eight months!! No way!!!

So to start off, Christmas was so sweet and nice. We woke up early. Wrapped our spoiled doggies toys and let them be the first to open their presents. It's always so cute to see them get so excited. I can't wait till' Eli is joining in along the run down the stairs with them, rushing to get his presents under the tree. So after they opened their presents we let Lil' E opens his. He wasn't to sure about the whole thing, till' he noticed he was getting a new toy every time and then we noticed he started to grin. Lil' booger. We opened each others which I love to give Moi his. I love to get personal ones. I think those are so much better. Of course lil' man had to get one for papa too :) I'm so bummed though cuz I didn't get any pictures of us opening up our presents. :( Sad, sad face. My memory card was full and believe it or not Walmart was closed. So the whole freakin' day I have only one picture of evidence of how cute E looked or how dumb I looked with my brown shoes and red and black outfit. Long story I left my shoes I had planned to wear at Moi's parents house, so I had to go for the next best thing I had in our car. Brown, ugly flats. :( Was def. a bummer. Well Christmas is always amazing. I seriously have the best family ever. I love my family. I love how close we all are together. We aren't just cuzins and aunts, but we all are like friends too. We are so candid with each other. Such an easy going family. I can just chill with them all day long and have no problem with it. Well lil' man did pretty good with everyone. He was a lil' doll that day and being passed around to anyone with free hands. After doing our white elephant gift and the xmas exchange we ate like pigs and then headed to Moi's parents house, where E was not so happy. I have come to realize after 6ish Eli gets really fussy and just wants either me or Moi to hold him, my moms another one he'll go to, but don't tell Moi that :) But he's so used to seeing my mom cuz we are always together. Any who, we ended up leaving cuz Eli was just not having it. The nite before we tried putting him to sleep in one of Moi's moms extra rooms, but I think his lil' top tooth was bothering him, so we knew that was a no go that day. 

New years Eve was another nite Eli was ready to call it quits. I ended up heading to my sisters house to play Just Dance 3 with my Cedes. Who by the way was only down for a week. :( Poopy butt!! Man that thing is a work out. I was sweating up storm. But gosh is it fun. I headed home around 830ish and attempted to make dinner, but it was just another no go nite. Nothing was going rite and all I wanted to do was eat. The chicken I had hoped to eat was burnt and the sauce was a lil' sweet, but overall it wasn't too bad. I gobbled it up and me and Moi just watched a lil' telly. Nothing, spectacular. We rang in the New Year and passed out. A few nites before I kept making fun of Moi for sleeping so early, so he made sure to stay up till' midnite, which I am shocked he did. I did have to help him a lil' by watching close eye he didn't doze off, which he does ALL the time. Kinda drives me a lil' crazy. Well actually a lot, cuz that boy does it ALL the time. 


So I'm officially sad. Devastated that Christmas flew by. So quickly too. I can't believe by this time next year, me and Moi will have already had our wedding and Eli will be a year in a half. Crazy to think of. So I have decided my new yrs. resolution(s). What I can have more than one. So first, is to be a better wife. Yes, I kinda can be a lil' stingy in that department. I need to cook more. I love cooking too, it really is a task though with a baby. But I'm gonna do it. I don't care. And I need to get in shape and get my butt in gear with my photography. I have come up with the name E.M.G photography. I like the sound of it. It's lil' man's initials. I also want to be more committed to my volunteer work with a rescue for animals. I have known the lady who is the driving force behind it for a few years and this year I'm gonna make it a part of my part time work. I'm gonna start a facebook page for her rescue in hopes that more dogs get adopted. And I will be the lens behind all the dogs pictures, which I'm pretty excited about. Oh and last one, more involved with Eli. We started Gymboree class which I absolutely LOVE.