I'm enjoying Eli so much lately.
He's starting to become so interactive with me. His does this adorable laugh, where it sounds like a lamb. It's so hilarious. His reflux has pretty much diminished. I'm so grateful for that!
I fall deeper and deeper in love with him, everyday is such an adventure with him. I'm so enthralled by him, he's my new entertainment.
I always forget, but I gotta start taking more pix of me n that booger together.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Thank God it was a dream...
Last nite I woke up after feeding lil' man from a horrible dream.
I went in for a job interview and the whole time I was walking I kept thinking, why did I leave Eli in the car? I went back to get him, but the car was gone. I had the keys and hit the button for the alarm and found the beeping coming out of a trunk of some people who looked really trashy. It turned out they stole my car and had kidnapped Eli. I remember crying in despair for him. I told them they could take anything of mine, even myself. I was wailing. It felt so real, I could feel it in my sleep. The pain. I still feel the knot in my stomach as I type this. I woke up and couldn't seem to go back to sleep. It was absolute torture and Hell. I can remember how much I was crying. How much I wanted my baby back. I can't ever imagine losing that boy. I can remember in the dream how vivid the people's faces were that took him, but the pain and heartache I felt was overbearing. The thought of losing Eli is not even imaginable. I pray everyday that Eli is safe with me. And I thank God everyday for giving me that day with Eli. He gave me something that can never ever be replaced. God has truly given me an ANGEL. I'd say the best angel possible.
I went in for a job interview and the whole time I was walking I kept thinking, why did I leave Eli in the car? I went back to get him, but the car was gone. I had the keys and hit the button for the alarm and found the beeping coming out of a trunk of some people who looked really trashy. It turned out they stole my car and had kidnapped Eli. I remember crying in despair for him. I told them they could take anything of mine, even myself. I was wailing. It felt so real, I could feel it in my sleep. The pain. I still feel the knot in my stomach as I type this. I woke up and couldn't seem to go back to sleep. It was absolute torture and Hell. I can remember how much I was crying. How much I wanted my baby back. I can't ever imagine losing that boy. I can remember in the dream how vivid the people's faces were that took him, but the pain and heartache I felt was overbearing. The thought of losing Eli is not even imaginable. I pray everyday that Eli is safe with me. And I thank God everyday for giving me that day with Eli. He gave me something that can never ever be replaced. God has truly given me an ANGEL. I'd say the best angel possible.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Have I told you how GREAT my other babies are...
Before Eli blessed us, LuvLuv, Nahla and Maximus were our babies.
Yes, and now having Eli,we were protective, but they still have remained our other 3 babies. Of course in the beginning we weren't sure how the pups would be with Lil' man, but they are absolutely amazing w.him. Max's only intentions w.Eli is to cover him from head to toe in kisses and LuvLuv gives him the softest, sweetest kisses. Nahla will give him a kiss every now and then, but loves to nudge his arm to pet her. (She doesn't quite understand that he doesn't know how to pet yet:) To be honest I thought they'd be jealous, but they have been far from it. I heard stories of people doggies getting jealous of the baby and the family giving up the dog. I prayed our lil' fur monsters wouldn't be and thank goodness they aren't. I can see that they truly Love Eli and are very protective of him, especially Max. That boy will not leave Eli's side when we go for walks.
I am so proud of my doggies and can't wait to watch Eli running with them all over the yard. I can see ALL three of them being the best of friends.
Yes, and now having Eli,we were protective, but they still have remained our other 3 babies. Of course in the beginning we weren't sure how the pups would be with Lil' man, but they are absolutely amazing w.him. Max's only intentions w.Eli is to cover him from head to toe in kisses and LuvLuv gives him the softest, sweetest kisses. Nahla will give him a kiss every now and then, but loves to nudge his arm to pet her. (She doesn't quite understand that he doesn't know how to pet yet:) To be honest I thought they'd be jealous, but they have been far from it. I heard stories of people doggies getting jealous of the baby and the family giving up the dog. I prayed our lil' fur monsters wouldn't be and thank goodness they aren't. I can see that they truly Love Eli and are very protective of him, especially Max. That boy will not leave Eli's side when we go for walks.
I am so proud of my doggies and can't wait to watch Eli running with them all over the yard. I can see ALL three of them being the best of friends.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Old memories..and the new ME
Today Eli was having a NOT so good day. Poor baby, he's teething so badly. All he wants is to be held. I love that he needs mommy :)
Today I had an old friend stop by. I think it's been eight years since we last saw eachother, but it felt like it was just yesterday that we talked. We used to play club soccer and man was it nice talking about our old memories of our younger days. We laughed and laughed and man did it feel good to let it out. I haven't laughed like that in forever. She mentioned about joining an indoor soccer team. I would LOVE that..I don't remember the last time I kicked a ball, but gosh do I miss soccer. I hope next season I can play and have lil' Eli come cheer me on!! I gotta say, it was SO nice seeing her. She is truly one of the sweetest girls I have ever met and I'm so glad she is back in my life.
Before Eli, I was more of the person that would blow people off, or cancel my prior engagements. But now, I stick to my plans, go where I had planned and am not as scared or timid to follow through with people, like today. Usually I would have cancelled or told her if we can plan it for a later time and then never again contact her, but I didn't. I went through with our plans and am so happy I did. Eli has def. help me grow in that area. He has helped me let my guard down because I don't live for others I live for him, so the things that used to be embarrassing or not so fun no longer matter. I don't care what others think about me. It's crazy how a baby can affect your life in so many areas. I'm loving it. I feel like the person I am today hasn't been around in so long. I'm stronger. More courageous. Confident. Happier. More loving. I have a strength that I didn't encompass before. I love this new me. I'm so thankful for my lil' chunkers. He has made such a new person out of me.
Today I had an old friend stop by. I think it's been eight years since we last saw eachother, but it felt like it was just yesterday that we talked. We used to play club soccer and man was it nice talking about our old memories of our younger days. We laughed and laughed and man did it feel good to let it out. I haven't laughed like that in forever. She mentioned about joining an indoor soccer team. I would LOVE that..I don't remember the last time I kicked a ball, but gosh do I miss soccer. I hope next season I can play and have lil' Eli come cheer me on!! I gotta say, it was SO nice seeing her. She is truly one of the sweetest girls I have ever met and I'm so glad she is back in my life.
Before Eli, I was more of the person that would blow people off, or cancel my prior engagements. But now, I stick to my plans, go where I had planned and am not as scared or timid to follow through with people, like today. Usually I would have cancelled or told her if we can plan it for a later time and then never again contact her, but I didn't. I went through with our plans and am so happy I did. Eli has def. help me grow in that area. He has helped me let my guard down because I don't live for others I live for him, so the things that used to be embarrassing or not so fun no longer matter. I don't care what others think about me. It's crazy how a baby can affect your life in so many areas. I'm loving it. I feel like the person I am today hasn't been around in so long. I'm stronger. More courageous. Confident. Happier. More loving. I have a strength that I didn't encompass before. I love this new me. I'm so thankful for my lil' chunkers. He has made such a new person out of me.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Shes GONE :(
So Eli hasn't been sleeping too well cuz of his teething, so this morning lil' man and I decided to get a lil' extra Z's in. We actually didn't wake up till' 11:30 if you can believe that, but who can blame us when we are waking up every 2 hrs on the hour. Cedes plane left around 1:30 so me n Eli zoomed through the morning, feed him, changed him and rushed out of the house so I could sneak in my last hug for Cedes until Thanksgiving. I was prepared to ball my eyes out, but fortunately since I was running late I didn't stay long. which in a way was good. I already had NO makeup on in a major airport and a red, puffy eyed face was not gonna make it any better. Me and Eli rushed in gave her our last hugs and kisses and wished her a safe flight. As I was driving back home I came to a revelation. I think the reason I feel so deeply for Cedes isn't just for the mere fact that I deeply love that lil' girl, but the fact that she is the same age I was when I lost my father and both our father's play a tremendous role in our life, whether good or bad. You see the day my father passed away, I became very separated from my emotions. I acted like I was ok, the same way Cedes acts. I was more relatable to Cedes than I thought. That's why I was able to talk to her so easily. Me and her were the same. This whole time, I thought, I never truly knew what Cedes was feeling, but I did feel that. Even now, twenty-five years old, I still have my moments when I am eight years old, with no dad to take me to the father daughter dance, just as Cedes is waiting for the dad that will never come to her lunches at school. I don't want Cedes to feel the pain I did and still do.
You see God does pretty remarkable things, and this is one of them. God knew Cedes destiny and knew I was here to help her through it as she is here to help me through my own fears. I know the feeling of what it's like to be the only girl with NO dad and so does Cedes. God places people and certain things in your life for a reason, it's not out of coincidence or just a fluke. Cedes was meant to be in my life and I was meant to be in hers. This eight year old has a lil' something to teach me. And as I watch her grow it will help remind me that God is truly doing things, with me, Cedes. From this point on, I will know that Cedes situation, is the reason she is in my life. That God will show throughout our lives together the things we will learn from one another and how we will grow. God def. surprises us when we least expect it.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Letting go
Today I have been thinking a lot about my Cedes. Counting down the hours she will once again leave us. I can remember her the first time they came back from Japan, holding her own little pull luggage. Only 2 years old, blonde, blonde hair, those big blue eyes and acting though as if she was "IT". That lil' girl always had such a ham of a personality. She was the center of attention, and if she wasn't she would make sure she became it. I got to spend 3 amazing months with her and from there on out, she was my lil' mini me. We became attached. We were closer than sisters. We spent everyday together, and man do I miss those days. A few months back we watched video of her, and that girl was something else. We were always laughing at the goofy things she did. I still reminisce about the days when she was younger. But I have to realize my Cedes isn't that girl anymore.
And now I have come to realize that I must let go of that Cedes, I'm still trying to hold on, tightly, but I must release the hold I have on her. Cedes in a way has been my shield. My comfort. The wall I let down. Now it's time to allow myself to let go of that 5 year old girl, I still want back. I need to realize she is no longer a toddler, a lil' girl that I can play makeup or dress up with. She now is a young lil' lady, who needs to grow. I'm holding her back from growing and I know God has a plan for her, just as he does for me. He has an amazing plan for her. I can't interrupt that plan. All I can do now, is pray that he gives her guidance and comfort when she feels all alone. I will never give up on her and will continue to be here for her, but I now need to focus on my bundle of joy. I need to be the mom that he deserves. My grievance over Cedes is doing NO good for me or her and is holding me back from what I need to do with Eli.
Cedes leaving is always a process I will never get used too. It's as though I lose her every time. So the whole cycle repeats itself all over again. She technically isn't gone, but in my eyes she is. Her presence is missed So much! This is where I need to let go. It's okay to miss that sweet girl, but wishing for a different outcome will never happen. So tonight me and Eli will go to bed knowing we enjoyed Cedes time here and this won't be a good bye, but a wave, kiss and hug. We love you Cedes and can't wait to see you for Thanksgiving.
And now I have come to realize that I must let go of that Cedes, I'm still trying to hold on, tightly, but I must release the hold I have on her. Cedes in a way has been my shield. My comfort. The wall I let down. Now it's time to allow myself to let go of that 5 year old girl, I still want back. I need to realize she is no longer a toddler, a lil' girl that I can play makeup or dress up with. She now is a young lil' lady, who needs to grow. I'm holding her back from growing and I know God has a plan for her, just as he does for me. He has an amazing plan for her. I can't interrupt that plan. All I can do now, is pray that he gives her guidance and comfort when she feels all alone. I will never give up on her and will continue to be here for her, but I now need to focus on my bundle of joy. I need to be the mom that he deserves. My grievance over Cedes is doing NO good for me or her and is holding me back from what I need to do with Eli.
Cedes leaving is always a process I will never get used too. It's as though I lose her every time. So the whole cycle repeats itself all over again. She technically isn't gone, but in my eyes she is. Her presence is missed So much! This is where I need to let go. It's okay to miss that sweet girl, but wishing for a different outcome will never happen. So tonight me and Eli will go to bed knowing we enjoyed Cedes time here and this won't be a good bye, but a wave, kiss and hug. We love you Cedes and can't wait to see you for Thanksgiving.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
Not Ready...STILL
It so happens that I am not at all ready for anyone, but me and the hubs, to watch lil' man. I came into this thinking, once he's three months, no problem! I was SO WRONG! In the beginning Moi was the one saying he didn't want anyone watching Eli until he was six months. I was on the fence..what six months, when are we gonna have us time?! Well now we have changed roles! It's not like I don't trust our parents, I just know they don't know Eli the way I KNOW my Eli. I know what every different cry, squeal, grunt and smile means. I know all his lil' signs ~ the tightening of his fists, the way he sucks on his two lil' fingers, when his face turns bright red and I just don't know if I'm not with Eli, if they'll know what's wrong with him. I just picture him crying and crying (which he will do) until they figure out his problem and I just can't handle thinking of him crying for minutes on end. It literally kills me inside to think of him crying for so long, I mean eventually they'd figure out what was wrong, but HOW long would it take. I can't take the suspense and don't want to, just yet. I know Moi and I need alone time, but as the quote goes, In due time. I miss Moi like crazy, but all I can ever say is I'm just NOT ready.
I know all mommies go through this, and I give props to those who have to go back to work. That would be so traumatizing to me. I couldn't imagine leaving Eli now. He's still so young and still needs mommy around. The one person he trusts! To be honest I'm not sure when I'll be ready, but Moi has been so great! He hasn't pushed me or made me feel bad for feeling this way. Eli and me have made such an amazing bond. We are so connected and I can tell he senses that. I love that mommy can make things all better. That is the most amazing feeling! Knowing that in just three short months, without much verbal communication Eli knows mommy will be there for him, he trusts me that much. My promise to Eli, is that he'll always have that trust with me.
So now we wait and see. I'm thinking and hoping maybe in the next two months, but I'm not guaranteeing anything. Baby steps...baby steps or as I call them Eli steps :)
break time
She loves posing
Check out the shades :)
This day was funny cuz lil' man was NOT feeling seaport village AT ALL! Then the moment we leave he was laughing and screaming and SO excited! That lil booger butt...He couldn't wait till we left!
I know all mommies go through this, and I give props to those who have to go back to work. That would be so traumatizing to me. I couldn't imagine leaving Eli now. He's still so young and still needs mommy around. The one person he trusts! To be honest I'm not sure when I'll be ready, but Moi has been so great! He hasn't pushed me or made me feel bad for feeling this way. Eli and me have made such an amazing bond. We are so connected and I can tell he senses that. I love that mommy can make things all better. That is the most amazing feeling! Knowing that in just three short months, without much verbal communication Eli knows mommy will be there for him, he trusts me that much. My promise to Eli, is that he'll always have that trust with me.
So now we wait and see. I'm thinking and hoping maybe in the next two months, but I'm not guaranteeing anything. Baby steps...baby steps or as I call them Eli steps :)
So now I leave pix of my wonderful b'day outting @ Seaport Village
break time
She loves posing
Check out the shades :)
This day was funny cuz lil' man was NOT feeling seaport village AT ALL! Then the moment we leave he was laughing and screaming and SO excited! That lil booger butt...He couldn't wait till we left!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
happy 3 months handsome...
Wow has it really been three months since my lil man entered this world, where did time go?!?
I can't believe how fast he is growing, last time we weighed him he was 16.8 lbs (my Mr. Chunkers) :)
Eli is so ready to be on the go. He's starting to roll over like crazy today. It's so funny to watch maybe not for him, but for me, cuz he get's extremely upset when he can't do it and starts to grunt and once he rolls over he's so content. He is def. a determined lil' boy. His lil' personality is starting to show and let me tell you this boy is a crack up. He loves to make this really high pitch squeal and LOVES to smile. He def is a flirt with the ladies as well...(oh no!) He kicks those lil' feetsies like crazy when he gets extremely excited and his eyes widen. He is such a talker and enjoys a nice convo :) He's already teething and wants everything in his mouth...poor baby. I can tell his reflux is getting a lot better, which is such a relief cuz I thought it was gonna last for a while. I got him a jumper that should be coming in today. I can't wait to see him go crazy in it. He's so bored with all his other toys. He starting to enjoy tummy time. Oh and he starting to recognize tv...so we gotta cut that! If he does watch tv its an educational show. It amazes me how fast this lil' man is growing up.
Right now as I type this he's fast asleep on his playmat. He's so peaceful when he sleeps, I love to just watch him. He brings such meaning to my life. Happiness, a life where I will always have someone close to me. This lil' boy who can't talk, walk or communicate other than a smile and/or squeal, brings more joy, unconditional love and hope to my life than I have ever expected. He's truly the reason I live now. I no longer live for myself but for him, which is better in so many ways. His life has brought me to understand a whole new aspect of my own life. He doesn't care about money, fancy things, big trips all he knows is the want to be wanted. How hard is that to ask, and yet so many children are missing that from their lives. I am willing to give up everything for that boy, my career, school because he deserves that. He deserves to be loved to the fullest and I know I can't give him that if I'm not 100% dedicated to him.
Eli~
the more time we spend together, the more and more I am falling in love with you. The times when I do seem to get frustrated with you or seem a bit upset, please forgive me son. You are my world, my breath I breathe, my eyes I see with, my soles I walk on. You have shown me so much through just the three months that you have been alive and I can't wait till you show me more. Every morning I can't wait to wake up to see what new thing you are going to learn or discover. lulu, nugget and monster all love you so much and love smacking kisses on you. Im so proud to call you my son. I love you son!!
I can't believe how fast he is growing, last time we weighed him he was 16.8 lbs (my Mr. Chunkers) :)
Eli is so ready to be on the go. He's starting to roll over like crazy today. It's so funny to watch maybe not for him, but for me, cuz he get's extremely upset when he can't do it and starts to grunt and once he rolls over he's so content. He is def. a determined lil' boy. His lil' personality is starting to show and let me tell you this boy is a crack up. He loves to make this really high pitch squeal and LOVES to smile. He def is a flirt with the ladies as well...(oh no!) He kicks those lil' feetsies like crazy when he gets extremely excited and his eyes widen. He is such a talker and enjoys a nice convo :) He's already teething and wants everything in his mouth...poor baby. I can tell his reflux is getting a lot better, which is such a relief cuz I thought it was gonna last for a while. I got him a jumper that should be coming in today. I can't wait to see him go crazy in it. He's so bored with all his other toys. He starting to enjoy tummy time. Oh and he starting to recognize tv...so we gotta cut that! If he does watch tv its an educational show. It amazes me how fast this lil' man is growing up.
Right now as I type this he's fast asleep on his playmat. He's so peaceful when he sleeps, I love to just watch him. He brings such meaning to my life. Happiness, a life where I will always have someone close to me. This lil' boy who can't talk, walk or communicate other than a smile and/or squeal, brings more joy, unconditional love and hope to my life than I have ever expected. He's truly the reason I live now. I no longer live for myself but for him, which is better in so many ways. His life has brought me to understand a whole new aspect of my own life. He doesn't care about money, fancy things, big trips all he knows is the want to be wanted. How hard is that to ask, and yet so many children are missing that from their lives. I am willing to give up everything for that boy, my career, school because he deserves that. He deserves to be loved to the fullest and I know I can't give him that if I'm not 100% dedicated to him.
Eli~
the more time we spend together, the more and more I am falling in love with you. The times when I do seem to get frustrated with you or seem a bit upset, please forgive me son. You are my world, my breath I breathe, my eyes I see with, my soles I walk on. You have shown me so much through just the three months that you have been alive and I can't wait till you show me more. Every morning I can't wait to wake up to see what new thing you are going to learn or discover. lulu, nugget and monster all love you so much and love smacking kisses on you. Im so proud to call you my son. I love you son!!
And the verdict is in...
Early on today I receive a txt from my mom, "She lost her!" My heart dropped and I wanted to just cry!! In my head I was screaming and asking WHY?!
Moises had no clue what was going on, as I decided to keep it from him. I love the man dearly, but some topics just don't need to be brought up and this was one of them! Even though it would have been nice to talk to someone and just cry out my fears to him :(
I call my sister and she's in tears!! Cedes father was found with a DUI (court order states NO drinking while Cedes is in either care of the mother or father)...We were all dumbfounded as to why they didn't see anything wrong with the situation and he violated the courts. Cedes has told us that he has even left her in the car at night to go drink at a bar...How can anyone leave their baby ALL alone, let alone being left in the dark at night :( Thinking about that just makes me cringe! I don't understand what the courts want, what a child's death is when they will finally put their foot down, when it is TO LATE! The thought of losing her brings tears to my eyes. I truly can't see my life without that sweet lil' angel! Her personality is beyond being the BEST and that goofy laugh of her 's is so contagious. I pray one day God will give us hope and faith again in the return of my baby girl! I just wish I could close my eyes and rewind time where she was two and asking Moi to be put on his shutters as she called them :) or when Moi and I would take her anywhere and everywhere spoiling her rotten! Why don't time machines exist?! I can't stop saying how much I really LOVE that lil' girl! How every time I see her my heart smiles and I just can't get over how beautiful she is! Really, she is the MOST beautiful lil' girl I have ever seen or known!
The quote: God only gives you what you can handle. Well to be honest I'm not handling this well. Cedes has been through what most people don't experience in a life time. Yet she still continues on, but I see her happy, once nieve, innocent soul slowing diminishing. She has worry in her eyes and anger in her voice. She's hurt. Broken and no one to fix her. She hides her father's mistakes and wrong doings to protect his thoughtless and sinful life. She's so young to be living this life, NOT my Cedes. Not my lil' girl who would once sing in front of the world. It crushes me to know that she will continue on if nothing changes. I have faith though that God will guide her, be with her and help her to grow into the young lady she deserves to be.
I always tell Moi if we don't have a lil' girl, Cedes can fill that spot. I wanna be at every big event, to her graduation of entering high school, to prom, to meeting her first "Real" date, to H.S graduation, to college life, to her wedding, to her first child and I know many of those milestones I will be missing. I know right now my sister is going through Hell on earth and blames much of this on herself. But I think once she lets go of her guilt she'll be able to be a better mom to Cedes. Move on. I did blame her for a LONG time and sometimes catch myself reliving the blaming game all over again, but what good is that. She is my sister and as hard as it is to say, I forgive her. I know she doesn't technically need my forgivenss, but I think for my own personal sanity I need to forgive her. I need to move on from when Cedes was five when that horrible person entered her life and snatched her innocents away from her. I need to place my anger and resentment in the hands of God. Let him take care of it. He can handle it. The build up of all that only makes me an ugly, negative person, the person I don't wanna be. So I try not to be a person of judgement, criticism, stereotyping because everyone has a story. It might be a story that can't be understood, but it's not my place. That's God's job. I think he's pretty good at it, so I'll leave it with him. So tonight as I lay Eli in bed and say my nightly prayers, I will ask God to be with Marisa. Know that it's okay for her to move on and to STOP blaming herself. I love you my sister and will be here for you forever!
I always tell Moi if we don't have a lil' girl, Cedes can fill that spot. I wanna be at every big event, to her graduation of entering high school, to prom, to meeting her first "Real" date, to H.S graduation, to college life, to her wedding, to her first child and I know many of those milestones I will be missing. I know right now my sister is going through Hell on earth and blames much of this on herself. But I think once she lets go of her guilt she'll be able to be a better mom to Cedes. Move on. I did blame her for a LONG time and sometimes catch myself reliving the blaming game all over again, but what good is that. She is my sister and as hard as it is to say, I forgive her. I know she doesn't technically need my forgivenss, but I think for my own personal sanity I need to forgive her. I need to move on from when Cedes was five when that horrible person entered her life and snatched her innocents away from her. I need to place my anger and resentment in the hands of God. Let him take care of it. He can handle it. The build up of all that only makes me an ugly, negative person, the person I don't wanna be. So I try not to be a person of judgement, criticism, stereotyping because everyone has a story. It might be a story that can't be understood, but it's not my place. That's God's job. I think he's pretty good at it, so I'll leave it with him. So tonight as I lay Eli in bed and say my nightly prayers, I will ask God to be with Marisa. Know that it's okay for her to move on and to STOP blaming herself. I love you my sister and will be here for you forever!
On another note. My lil' E had a scratch on his lil' eyeball and thank goodness when we went to Rady's Childrens it was empty (yes empty). It usually is packed. So we were seen asap! So lil' man was diagnosed with a corneal abrasion. My poor baby, nurse after nurse came in thinking it was possibly a hair or some foreign object. His lil' eye was poked to many times for my likings, I finally had to say this was IT, I don't want his eye poked at anymore. His eye was tested with dye and yuppers, it was a scratch. So the next day we needed to go see a specialist, and just our luck the San Diego office was overbooked. So we had to drive an hr. away to Escondido just for the doc to tell us it was healed already..and continue his ointment in his eye. But its better we go just to make sure nothing more serious was wrong with his eye.
Oh and on Aug. 1st he rolled over for his first time...YEAH go Eli!! mama is SO proud of you!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Robbed...
Have you ever felt kind of robbed??!...I do...my beauty~full niece Cedes, how I miss her
My Cedes should not be leaving the end of this month or ever for that matter....She shouldn't be calling her home in Oregon...She shouldn't have to worry about not having anyone go with her to her first day of school...or wondering why her family hasn't come to eat lunch with her at school...
No little eight year old girl should have any worry in life, but to enjoy it...every bit of it...
It breaks my heart to know that we only get a tease of how life should be with her! Why we can't spend every holiday together, here where she SHOULD be! Why does a father, who can give two craps about her life deserve her...HE DOESN'T. Her life is so much more than what he offers it. I pray everyday for her, hoping and praying one day she will come back to us! My gorgeous little angel that I literally can't ever get mad at! I know living here I can't do anything, but I know one day she will return back to her "HOME"....playing with Eli while eating lunch together at her school~I promise Cedes
So I can't change her life, but I sure can wish, pray and hope...Everyday Cedes, Everyday....
ONE DAY YOU WILL COME BACK HOME MY SWEET LIL' GIRL!! Me n Eli will be waiting with open arms!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
True LOVE
I am so amazed how much I am so IN LOVE with Eli. His smile captures my heart and his giggly scream melts my soul to the core. Gosh, I love that boy. That little chubs, that knows no better in life, than to depend on mommy and daddy to live. The Little fair skinned boy, with pouty lips and tiny bald spots who was put specifically in MY Life...HOW LUCKY AM I?!
I realized God hand picked him especially for me, to hold, to love, to treasure, to devote and commit my life too. I feel so blessed, how lucky I am to have been chosen as Eli's mama from God! He trusts me enough to be his sole provider and protector...WOW, that's a lot of responsibility that God trusts me with, so I must have done something right to deserve such an amazing gift, as Elijah, but to be completely honest I don't know what I did right to deserve this amazing, handsome little boy. I love Eli more than any lame sentence or famous quote can describe. All I know is that I will be the best mommy I can be to him, love him with ALL the LOVE my heart can release and support him in life. I look back at our life before our sweet boy and it was beyond childish and full of selfishness. Now it's so much more! It's a life of purpose, selflessness, love, and a chance to somehow make up for everything I did wrong in my past, he's my second chance in life. I hope one day Eli realizes HOW MUCH I truly LOVE him!
Look at that adorable smile...!! Thank you God for it, for him!! How could I not stop thanking the Lord for him!
He's absolutely PERFECT!! I could NOT ask for anything more...but why ME>? He's TOO perfect... I sure hope I don't disappoint you, Lord! Please help me, watch me, show me, guide me to do the right things and be the absolutely BEST parent to Elijah.
Whatever God has planned for my AMAZING, Gorgeous little love, I know he'll always be with him, even when I'm not...I am just thankful I get this, the now, the present..I don't worry about the future because I'm taking it all in one day at a time and when tomorrow comes I will cherish it that much MORE!
I realized God hand picked him especially for me, to hold, to love, to treasure, to devote and commit my life too. I feel so blessed, how lucky I am to have been chosen as Eli's mama from God! He trusts me enough to be his sole provider and protector...WOW, that's a lot of responsibility that God trusts me with, so I must have done something right to deserve such an amazing gift, as Elijah, but to be completely honest I don't know what I did right to deserve this amazing, handsome little boy. I love Eli more than any lame sentence or famous quote can describe. All I know is that I will be the best mommy I can be to him, love him with ALL the LOVE my heart can release and support him in life. I look back at our life before our sweet boy and it was beyond childish and full of selfishness. Now it's so much more! It's a life of purpose, selflessness, love, and a chance to somehow make up for everything I did wrong in my past, he's my second chance in life. I hope one day Eli realizes HOW MUCH I truly LOVE him!
Look at that adorable smile...!! Thank you God for it, for him!! How could I not stop thanking the Lord for him!
Be by my side if I do mess up...
Whatever God has planned for my AMAZING, Gorgeous little love, I know he'll always be with him, even when I'm not...I am just thankful I get this, the now, the present..I don't worry about the future because I'm taking it all in one day at a time and when tomorrow comes I will cherish it that much MORE!
Monday, August 1, 2011
:(
So here we go again...
Eli's chiro decided he wanted to take a break from seeing him to see how well he adjusts (BAD BAD idea) My poor buddy hasn't pooped in 3 days going on 4 today and his reflux has worsened when he was just getting it under control...this weekend was A LONG one at that. Im hoping todays visit to the chiro will help him poo...I just HATE seeing him like this and not being able to do anything for him...
Eli's chiro decided he wanted to take a break from seeing him to see how well he adjusts (BAD BAD idea) My poor buddy hasn't pooped in 3 days going on 4 today and his reflux has worsened when he was just getting it under control...this weekend was A LONG one at that. Im hoping todays visit to the chiro will help him poo...I just HATE seeing him like this and not being able to do anything for him...
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