So Sat. we threw our 1st Annual Garcia Hallow's Party. It was a great turn out and we ended up getting a taquero which everyone loved. Who doesn't love a taco guy?! I did a cute lil' dessert table, that I must admit I was pretty proud of. Only thing was we didn't have time to do Moi's makeup. He would have looked so awesome, but oh well. Next year we wanna ALL do Zombies!
my and my beauty-full madre
Eli was NOT having it that nite and slept thru the whole party.
On Sun. we did our pumpkins, I went with Michael Meyers (of course free hand cuz i gotta make things difficult and Moi did the grim reaper) Eli also did his own lil' pumpkin.
So since I've had my camera, I've been practicing with photography(Eli and the pups have been my victims). I wanted to do my first actual photo shoot with Eli and his Halloween costume. Here they are.
I think they came out pretty darn good! I love em. So I guess that's all that matters...
Rite after Eli's birth, my hormones went crazy. I knew about baby blues, but man it hit me hard. Really hard. To be completely honest I didn't even feel like he was my son. This baby that I was in labor with for twenty-four hours, I felt NO connection. And it killed me. Even looking back on pics of him between one to two months I can still feel that ugly feeling, that I prayed would just go away. I so wished I could have enjoyed that time with him cuz I'm never gonna have it again. But I don't dwell on it cuz I got over my depression and I know some women who are still suffering from it, so I got to be thankful for that.
But now that everything is back in order, I really, really, really love being Eli's mommy. I never NOT liked it, I just never had that feeling of "IT." If that makes any sense. I look at him and my heart GLOWS. When I just think of him, I get that warm, tingly feeling in my chest and I love feeling that. I love knowing I am his mommy and no one else can ever fill that spot. That he's my son. My son. A love that is so unconditional.
My shopping trips are def. longer, but way better, I love that. I love having a shopping partner. Someone to talk too even if he has no clue what I'm saying. I love carrying him around in his carrier, while I make funny faces at him and he laughs cuz his mama is crazy. I love going in his room in the morning seeing his lil' head popping up with his eyes rite above his crib with a HUGE smile on his face and his lil' feetsies kicking. I love when he gets tired he wants mommy. I love getting excited about what new thing he is gonna do that day. I get so excited for what outfit he'll be sporting. How people tell me how adorable he is, man is he adorable. Thinking of our future together. Our cuddle days when it's rainy and we just sit in bed all day watching disney movies. I just love knowing Eli counts on me for everything. I truly love being a mommy and as the quote goes, I wouldn't trade it for the world. It def. is the hardest job, but the most full filling.
Eli, you're NOT the baby I dreamed of, but the baby I could have never dreamed of becuz your that amazing!
Yesterday we drove up to Julian to show Eli our spot we go every holiday. It has a cider making station, pumpkin patch where they are still connected to the vine, raspberry picking, gold mining for the kiddies and a petting zoo. We love going there and when we found out when we were prego we KNEW we had to bring lil' man there. So off we went. The only part is the winding roads that lead up to it, but it was well worth it. And man oh man was it HOT. It was so overcast and cold when we left, so we bundled up and I put on a cute lil' skeleton outfit on Lil' E.
We brought LuvLuv cuz she's very good off the leash. Nahla would have prob. of just ran up to every person she spotted her eyes on and Max would have been barking at all the animals, so Lu was the only one we brought. And that cutie had fun. She's sucha good lil' girl :) I couldn't believe I had my family with me. Celebrating our very 1st official holiday. Halloween to us is the starting mark for the WONDERFUL day leading up to Christmas, so we get very excited. Yes, we are both kinda nerdy, but if you can't admit the love for Christmas, what a sad world you must live in, as quoted by Doug from King of Queens ;)
We of course had to say hi to the cute lil goats. Well more like Moi and Luv.
And scoured the patch for our perfect pumpkins to carve.
Eli of course was over it the moment we started. :)
And after did a lil' picking of some raspberries.
It was a day full of fun and another memory made with our sweet boy.
Afterwards we took lil' mans shirt off, it was just too hot!
Aww my poor baby, look at the scars the stupid staph infection left :(
So after thoughts of Yes, No, back to Yes then back to No. Then we'll wait and see if we want another one in the future. I have decided NO more babies. Not out of a decision based just on the fact that I don't "WANT" more lil' boogers, but just because I don't want to ever go back to those moments when Eli was first born. I was overly stressed and me and Moi's parenting skills were beyond different. Sad to say, but it was not a great, memorable first 2 months. I actually was excited when Moi had to return back to work, cuz he really stressed me out. If it wasn't the dogs, it was where I laid Eli, if it wasn't that it was how I gave him his paci, it was ALWAYS something I did wrong and it got under my skin. Now that Eli is five months, he's def. calmed down, but I know if we had another baby it would go right back to that.
It saddens me though, cuz I really, really would love a lil' girl, or even a lil' playmate for Eli. I just know we'd go back to that stage. So I'm willing to say, NO MORE! for the sake of me and Moi's relationship and the sake of NOT being a statistic. I couldn't do that to Eli. My heart aches that I won't ever feel another baby inside my belly, or have that bonding breastfeeding experience, or sleepless nights if you can believe that. Or just holding a newborn that me n Moi made. Or that sweet smell of a newborn. All the first million pix I'd take. Or ever seeing Eli with a brother or sister. His reaction. Seeing my mom smiling for ear to ear with another grandchild. Knowing all the fun things for our future. The crazy road trips with the kids arguing in the back. The simplest first smile, first roll over, first besito or hug. Or their first words. Gosh just typing this out, makes my face well up. But I know in the end this will be the best choice. For me, Moi and Eli. For our family. Life goes on and ours will with just one child.
So the past four years I have been attending college for Culinary Arts. Which I loved, well thought I loved. I did it more for cakes, but recently I've realized the strain that puts on your body literally. This past weekend I did my cuzin's quince cake and man it was hard. 1. Cuz having lil' man, I had to go back and forth between the cake and Eli. 2. It took almost 12 hrs. and this is just decorating it, not baking or filling it. Thank goodness for that! I realized it is just too too much on my body. I was so exhausted and the excitement I once had was GONE! I used to love the outcome of the cake, but this time I was over it as soon as I started it.
I'm pretty proud of it,
but unfortunately it wasn't "MY" thing anymore.
It took to much time away from Eli.
So, with that said I had like 3 classes left, but have decided to NOT finish. AHHH!! Can you believe it. With a lot of talk w.Moi I have decided to return to school to do something associated with animals. Animals and singing have always been my first love, so I thought it only be logical and well "ME". Culinary Arts wasn't me. So next week I will tour a campus and see the pricing for a vet tech and see other possibilities. I see this as really great thing. Moi gets to take time off and I can get out of the house and do something I'm really passionate about. Honestly, anyone who meets me would tell you if I could have my house as a rescue for animals, I would. I can't count the number of dogs we have brought home from finding on the streets. So tomorrow I'm gonna head down to our pups vet to talk w.the girls there to see what I need and how hard it is to find a job-->wish me luck.
Now, in ten days we have our 1st Annual Halloween Bash. I was just planning on getting everything, but that is just not me. I always gotta add a personal touch. So, we've decided to just get a taco guy (which who doesn't LOVE them)-->easy, peasy and I am gonna have a cute lil dessert table. I'm gonna make most of it and am so excited. I can't wait. Me, Moi and Eli are gonna be characters from Alice in Wonderland. I can't wait to post pics.
So I recently got in my jogging stroller. Not the one I posted earlier. After the excitement wore off I couldn't see us spending almost 500 on a jogging stroller. It ate me up inside and I knew I had to do some more research. So I went with the Schwinn stroller. Which is absolutely amazing. And it was half the cost. So win, win situation.
Any who I have trails behind my house that I go running on with Eli and Max, our German Shepherd. Well at the the end of the trail the street and trail meet. As we were approaching it, a K-9 cop car pulled right next to us. The German Shepherd dog was going crazy inside the car and all I said to Max was leave it. And he did, not one lil' peep outta that big mouth of his. I was so proud, especially cuz here there was a German Shepherd that was "Well" trained. The cop even had to roll up the window cuz the dog wouldn't stop. That's my Monster Max for you. I was one proud mommy of my big boy Max. Honestly I do have the BEST DOGGIES on this planet.
Cute Side note - while I jog if anyone or any dog passes us by, Max ALWAYS, I mean always has to check inside the stroller to make sure Eli is safe. It is the sweetest and cutest thing.
I noticed last Thurs Eli had these lil' bumps. I thought maybe just irritation. That boy is so white anything looks more than it is. As the day went on I noticed they started to turn red. So of course the first person I call is my madre. I tell her everything and am possibly thinking it could be chickenpox. My sweet, saint of a mom came ALL the way down to my house to see if it looked like chickenpox. She checked him out and said it could possibly be, but looked like it prob. is something else. Great!! I waited that day and when Friday came by, the bumps started to kinda scab. And more were coming in. At this point he had maybe five bumps, but I knew something wasn't right. So I call his doc and luckily got in at 11 that morning. No makeup and my hair looking like a clowns, I rush and put Eli's clothes on and we hurry to his docs. And thank goodness it's like five mins. away.
Well turns out his lil' heat rash on his neck, has turned into a secondary infection. -->Staph! AWWW....What staph?! But good thing I went with my instincts and got him seen, cuz if not it could have worsened over the weekend causing my angel love more discomfort.
She prescribed him an ointment and some oral antibiotics. He's been on it for two days now and I'm seeing a lil' improvement, not a lot, but she said it could take up to five days. So we gotta sit and wait it out. That kid never catches a break. But it really doesn't seem to bother him. And we gotta keep everything clean. Very sterile for now, so it doesn't spread. The third day, which is tomorrow, the antibiotics should kick in so it won't be contagious anymore. So yes, that's our life right now. Inside. UGH! I can't wait to go out tomorrow. And poor pups all they wanna do is give him kisses, but right now they can't cuz they can spread it. I've had to get a lil' more vocal with them, then they are used too. I think Max's feelings are hurt cuz he won't give me any kisses -->brat!
It's crazy, just that infection brings a flood of thoughts leading to other things. Could it get worse? What if it puts him in the hospital? What if it is MRSA? Should I have brought him in the first day I saw them? Am I good mom? The thoughts are endless, and so is worrying for a child.
Well hopefully it clears up soon cuz I stress way to easily and don't even wanna imagine going in if it doesn't.
Years ago my grandfather was diagnosed with prostate cancer. But as a child I grew up distant from him. He wasn't a huge part of my life or any of my brothers and sisters. It didn't really affect us, our relationship with him cuz we were used to not knowing the man. It wasn't odd to tell people we don't really know our tata. Of course we gave our hello and goodbye besitos to him, but that was it. My mama goose and him always had this unvoiced tension. I was never sure of it, but I know it bothered her. She never understood the reason her father was the way he was with her. None of us did and as protective children it hurt our hearts. We knew she so deeply wanted a relationship with her father as any child would, but more than anything since her own mom passed many years prior. But it always seemed out of her reach. He was always bragging about other grandchildren to her and she knew he was missing out on so much of her own children. But my mama has one of the biggest hearts. She would give her last dollar to a person in need, even she needed it more. She is a very selfless person and I hope one day I can grow to be a woman of heart just as she is.
This past few months my tias have needed some help with my tata. So of course my mom with her heart of gold, stepped up. Even with everything my tata has put her through, she still put that aside to help the man who never really appreciated her.
It came as a shock to us, cuz we just couldn't understand her reasoning. Why, help this man? To us he was just a man. Nothing more. But she insisted that she be there for him. After all, her mommy was up in heaven and she knew if she didn't make things right, she'd always regret it. I was stunned, but I knew that was my mom. That was her personality. She pushed everything aside for him, staying one night, then two nights, then a whole week at his house to tend to him. I never saw any regret on her face, or a complaint out of her mouth. I tell you this woman is amazing. Her soul is so beautiful. Soon after, she stared to tell me stories. Stories?! I thought she literally just went over to help out, but no that wasn't the case. Her and my tata were talking. A LOT! I saw her heart glowing through her chest. I think he saw the woman we've always seen, he just didn't know she was there, this whole time. In a flash, I knew and so did my sisters, that we needed to also be there for him. All three of us girls, made sure to visit him in the hospital and let him know he was loved. "That man" was more. I'd never really seen his personality and gosh was he a funny old man :) I felt like the Grinch, my heart literally grew 10x its size for that man. I grew a love that was never existent before. This whole time what was holding us all back was the distant he and my mom had. But that was broken. They actually had a mother, father relationship and I know it meant the world to my mama. After so many years her and her 88 year old father have this bond.
You see my mom taught me a lil something.
Life is just too short to hold onto the past.
Never, to give up on someone you love.
People can change.
But mostly,
just to simply love.
Put all selfishness aside,
and
give.
Give all you can.
Cuz one day,
all it will be is a memory.
Either a memory you will forget
or
regret or A memory that will forever be remembered.
I am making it a point to see him more often now. And it makes me so emotional. I can't explain the reasoning, but I just can't contain myself. I know he is dying before our eyes and I hate that Eli will be missing out on how much of a different man he is. But I know for now, I'll take what I can. How can an old man make your heart lift so high. Cause me to have tears of love for him. Cuz I do. I love that old man. And with everything we've all been through with him, I can see he truly loves us. After all he is the man who started us all. I'm very grateful for this lil' time that I get to know him. And for my amazing, selfless nonjudgemental mama who showed me it's ok to let go, move forward and open my heart.
Me and Moi have always been the couple that was on the go. We always had plans. Constantly going somewhere and everywhere. The road was open to us and we let it take us. Something was always happening in me and Moi's life. We hated just "being." But through all that we never saw things fully. We just went about life, not really knowing what we were missing.
And now having Eli we see everything through a new set of eyes. A set of eyes that are so much more clearer. We appreciate the little things. We take time to actually see things; whereas before we'd always be rushing through things. Today while we were at the Birch Aquarium we took time to go to every single aquarium and went through every fish that was in the aquarium telling Eli all about them. The more fasinated he was with them, the more time we took at each one. It's so crazy how I've been there many times before and never really "appreciated" it. It was so amazing to see Eli so into the fish, especially the really bright ones.
Isn't is amazing how before, life just wasn't remembered. Today I will remember Eli's face as he looked so wide eyed at the fish. How he tried touching the fishies through the glass. How innocent he was thinking he could actually touch them. These memories with Elijah really let me see everything in a new light. Even just taking stupid, goofy pictures in the photo booth was fun. Before Moi and I never did those, thinking heck we can use that five bucks for food, but to be honest it wasn't a question. We saw it and both knew we had to do it. I love how a child can bring the best of you out. And Eli has done that. With Moi and me. Our world is so much brighter, so much clearer. Overall, so much more meaningful.
I'll continue to say this, where is the time going?! How is it that I almost have a 6 month old?! How is it that I have fallen so deeply in love with this lil' human who can't do much more than show his gorgeous lil' smirk with those two lil' teefers or scream till his lungs are 'bout to burst :) But I do, I love him..OH how I love him SO!
So today marks the day where my baby is now 5 months. His personality is pure perfection. I think he has more of my personality. He's so goofy. He's def. not a quiet baby like papa. Not one bit. He is a loud one like his mama. He does have daddy's determintion ALL the way. He gets frustrated if he can't do something, even if it's the simpliest thing. He wants so bad to accomplish what ever he is doing. He's become so sweet. He cradles his head on your shoulder when he gets sleepy and rubs your chest with his face so softly and sweet. That's one thing I love that he does. He has NO patience. Still. He is over in love with the puppers. He just loves squeezing their fur. And of course our sweet pups just let him. He sits up so well now. Still needs a lil assistance cuz he wobbles to the sides. :) But he can officially sit in a cart. Thank you Lordy for that. And that's a REAL Amen to Lord. My arms were dying. He is slowing down on his eating. It's now 3-3 1/2 hrs in between feeds. This gives mommy resting time and some time to do errands with out having to rush. Mommy is starting to put Eli down more. He's not to fond of it. But we get through the day with a few outbursts demanding to be picked up. He had his first try of food. I froze a "nana" as I call them and he gobbled it up in his mesh eater. We tried Baby -led weaning, but he's not quite ready yet. So we will try again in a few weeks. I decided NOT to start off with cereal. I just see it as unessary calories. He does the cutest thing with his voice lately. He does this really high pitch squeak. I love it. And when he talks he gives so much expression. Seriously this boy is ALL mine...
Eli your sleeping so well at nite. Last nite you didn't wake up once. And tonite I put you down around 630. Your an awesome sleeper in your crib.
You take your paci every once in a while but your not a huge fan of it. You love sucking on you thumb..that's a winner.
You also blow the cutest bubbles. Its so adorable.
You're not to big on TV. It catches your attention for like a few mins if that and then your over it. You'd rather look around and find things to get into. (Is this a warning on how your gonna be-Mr.crazy) :)
Your in size 3 diapers but you got some legs on you, which mommy doesn't mind one bit. I love biting them. I think we are gonna have start goin up to size 4 soon.
You are slowing down though on your growth. You have managed to stick to 12 month clothing this past 2 months. Makes mama sad, I love shopping for you :)
Recently we have been searching for a walker...You are always wanting to sit up or just be on the go, so I'm hoping with the walker and jumper we'll be set.
Still NO hair. Buddy what happened you were born with a mop of a head and now it's just peach fuz. C'mon hair! :)
Buddy you definitely know who mama and daddy are. In fact when you see us together I can tell it makes you happy.
You have this new obsession of touching faces. It's honestly the sweetest thing.
I'm trying to sign you up for swim classes. You are my lil' fishy in the bathtub, so I know you'll love the pool.
Gosh Eli... Life would be SO boring without you in it. Thanks buddy for having me as your mama!
Just looked at your life and said, "WOW, this is my life!" Maybe a life that was unexpected or even unimagined, but it's your life and no one can take that away. I have been feeling like that lately, especially today. Which is his 5 month birthday. I look at Eli and I fall more and more in love with him. I feel the love he has for me. I love his amazing smile. His grumpiness just makes me laugh. His life is just beginning and I get to watch it as he grows into a toddler to a teenager to a young man. I get to experience life with him and I'm so thankful for that. My love for that booger is beyond this universe and back. I think about my love for him and am just hit with emotions. I wanna cry. Knowing that I get to be his mama. The tears are happy tears. Tears that only a mommy knows. Cuz once you know the feeling of a child's love. Nothing compares. Nothing ever will.
This face makes everything better.
He's like my lil' band aide. He heals me.
He doesn't even know that what he gives me,
is more than he'll ever know.
He doesn't know that Moises has officially fallen in love with him.
That daddy would give up everything to know he is safe.
He would give Eli his world.
His life.
His last breath.
He doesn't know that he already has 3 of his biggest fans. Who are so patient with him.
Who love to give him the biggest good morning kisses.
Who would be absolutely heart broken if he forgot about them.
Our Eli is so loved and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Becuz he deserves it. He deserves EVERYTHING. Cuz well, he's absolutely perfect.
