Rite after Eli's birth, my hormones went crazy. I knew about baby blues, but man it hit me hard. Really hard. To be completely honest I didn't even feel like he was my son. This baby that I was in labor with for twenty-four hours, I felt NO connection. And it killed me. Even looking back on pics of him between one to two months I can still feel that ugly feeling, that I prayed would just go away. I so wished I could have enjoyed that time with him cuz I'm never gonna have it again. But I don't dwell on it cuz I got over my depression and I know some women who are still suffering from it, so I got to be thankful for that.
But now that everything is back in order, I really, really, really love being Eli's mommy. I never NOT liked it, I just never had that feeling of "IT." If that makes any sense. I look at him and my heart GLOWS. When I just think of him, I get that warm, tingly feeling in my chest and I love feeling that. I love knowing I am his mommy and no one else can ever fill that spot. That he's my son. My son. A love that is so unconditional.
My shopping trips are def. longer, but way better, I love that. I love having a shopping partner. Someone to talk too even if he has no clue what I'm saying. I love carrying him around in his carrier, while I make funny faces at him and he laughs cuz his mama is crazy. I love going in his room in the morning seeing his lil' head popping up with his eyes rite above his crib with a HUGE smile on his face and his lil' feetsies kicking. I love when he gets tired he wants mommy. I love getting excited about what new thing he is gonna do that day. I get so excited for what outfit he'll be sporting. How people tell me how adorable he is, man is he adorable. Thinking of our future together. Our cuddle days when it's rainy and we just sit in bed all day watching disney movies. I just love knowing Eli counts on me for everything. I truly love being a mommy and as the quote goes, I wouldn't trade it for the world. It def. is the hardest job, but the most full filling.
Eli, you're NOT the baby I dreamed of, but the baby I could have never dreamed of becuz your that amazing!
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