Sacrifices

So after thoughts of Yes, No, back to Yes then back to No. Then we'll wait and see if we want another one in the future. I have decided NO more babies. Not out of a decision based just on the fact that I don't "WANT" more lil' boogers, but just because I don't want to ever go back to those moments when Eli was first born. I was overly stressed and me and Moi's parenting skills were beyond different. Sad to say, but it was not a great, memorable first 2 months. I actually was excited when Moi had to return back to work, cuz he really stressed me out. If it wasn't the dogs, it was where I laid Eli, if it wasn't that it was how I gave him his paci, it was ALWAYS something I did wrong and it got under my skin. Now that Eli is five months, he's def. calmed down, but I know if we had another baby it would go right back to that.


It saddens me though, cuz I really, really would love a lil' girl, or even a lil' playmate for Eli. I just know we'd go back to that stage. So I'm willing to say, NO MORE! for the sake of me and Moi's relationship and the sake of NOT being a statistic. I couldn't do that to Eli. My heart aches that I won't ever feel another baby inside my belly, or have that bonding breastfeeding experience, or sleepless nights if you can believe that. Or just holding a newborn that me n Moi made. Or that sweet smell of a newborn. All the first million pix I'd take. Or ever seeing Eli with a brother or sister. His reaction. Seeing my mom smiling for ear to ear with another grandchild. Knowing all the fun things for our future. The crazy road trips with the kids arguing in the back. The simplest first smile, first roll over, first besito or hug. Or their first words. Gosh just typing this out, makes my face well up. But I know in the end this will be the best choice. For me, Moi and Eli. For our family. Life goes on and ours will with just one child.