It only takes a lil'

Years ago my grandfather was diagnosed with prostate cancer. But as a child I grew up distant from him. He wasn't a huge part of my life or any of my brothers and sisters. It didn't really affect us, our relationship with him cuz we were used to not knowing the man. It wasn't odd to tell people we don't really know our tata. Of course we gave our hello and goodbye besitos to him, but that was it. My mama goose and him always had this unvoiced tension. I was never sure of it, but I know it bothered her. She never understood the reason her father was the way he was with her. None of us did and as protective children it hurt our hearts. We knew she so deeply wanted a relationship with her father as any child would, but more than anything since her own mom passed many years prior. But it always seemed out of her reach. He was always bragging about other grandchildren to her and she knew he was missing out on so much of her own children. But my mama has one of the biggest hearts. She would give her last dollar to a person in need, even she needed it more. She is a very selfless person and I hope one day I can grow to be a woman of heart just as she is.


This past few months my tias have needed some help with my tata. So of course my mom with her heart of gold, stepped up. Even with everything my tata has put her through, she still put that aside to help the man who never really appreciated her.


It came as a shock to us, cuz we just couldn't understand her reasoning. Why, help this man? To us he was just a man. Nothing more. But she insisted that she be there for him. After all, her mommy was up in heaven and she knew if she didn't make things right, she'd always regret it. I was stunned, but I knew that was my mom. That was her personality. She pushed everything aside for him, staying one night, then two nights, then a whole week at his house to tend to him. I never saw any regret on her face, or a complaint out of her mouth. I tell you this woman is amazing. Her soul is so beautiful. Soon after, she stared to tell me stories. Stories?! I thought she literally just went over to help out, but no that wasn't the case. Her and my tata were talking. A LOT! I saw her heart glowing through her chest. I think he saw the woman we've always seen, he just didn't know she was there, this whole time. In a flash, I knew and so did my sisters, that we needed to also be there for him. All three of us girls, made sure to visit him in the hospital and let him know he was loved. "That man" was more. I'd never really seen his personality and gosh was he a funny old man :) I felt like the Grinch, my heart literally grew 10x its size for that man. I grew a love that was never existent before. This whole time what was holding us all back was the distant he and my mom had. But that was broken. They actually had a mother, father relationship and I know it meant the world to my mama. After so many years her and her 88 year old father have this bond.   

You see my mom taught me a lil something. 

Life is just too short to hold onto the past. 

Never, to give up on someone you love.

 People can change.

But mostly,

just to simply love. 

Put all selfishness aside, 

and 

give.

Give all you can.

Cuz one day,

all it will be is a memory.

Either a memory you will forget 

or 

regret
or
A memory that will forever be remembered.

I am making it a point to see him more often now. And it makes me so emotional. I can't explain the reasoning, but I just can't contain myself. I know he is dying before our eyes and I hate that Eli will be missing out on how much of a different man he is. But I know for now, I'll take what I can. How can an old man make your heart lift so high. Cause me to have tears of love for him. Cuz I do. I love that old man. And with everything we've all been through with him, I can see he truly loves us. After all he is the man who started us all. I'm very grateful for this lil' time that I get to know him. And for my amazing, selfless nonjudgemental mama who showed me it's ok to let go, move forward and open my heart.