Time...

It's seems like there is never enough in a day. I'm so amazed once 5 o'clock hits. I'm lost in a travel zone cuz I could have promised it was only like 1'clock last time I checked. But nope, it's really time just passing by. And man does it ever so suck. I'm in that whole looking back when Eli was little stage. And it's really hitting me like a ton of bricks. I try to convince myself that I so loved it, but I didn't and well I've already discussed a lot of it. But today made me realize a big factor was Moi's two full time jobs. He'd come home, sleep, leave and the cycle would start all over again. I never had a break. And well that takes me to my, well not jealously but envious feeling towards my sister. No, I'm not mad at her, but I do envy the love she instills for Meli my niece. I wish I could have felt that for Eli. And I know I've talked about it numerous times, but it stills eats me up inside. And I guess that's a big reason why I so wish I could turn back time and really enjoy all of Eli's baby days, cuz honestly they are gone. He's a full grown toddler, no stopping him now. I hear my sister tell me how much she just wants Meli to stay little and I think, man I never felt that. And I wish I did. I wish the future me could have slapped me around a few times and said WAKE up Mireya, Eli is growing up NOW. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and enjoy this lil' blessing. I talk to Moi about this, but I think he thinks I blame him for it all. Which, I'm not gonna lie, I do blame him for some, but I know a lot of it was due to my sickness.

So yes, tonite, I'm reminiscing about Eli's lil' stages of life. And I hope tonite in my dreams I can see that lil' 6 month old who was so frustrated cuz he couldn't crawl. Or that angry lil' elf as I called him, so mad cuz he wanted to eat more :) So I leave you with his adorable baby cuteness...