Just when I thought...

Life couldn't be any more simpler. Or perfect for that matter. I'm hit with a dose of confusion and sadness. I'm the worst critic when it comes to my own image. The way I'm portrayed in peoples eyes. How i'm looked at. And I hate that quality about myself. But to just say, ok, I'm not gonna be like that, is such an understatement. I can't. It's like allowing yourself to self indulge in fudge every single day, even though you know it's absolutely horrible for you. See, there I go, always picking at those dumb pounds. I have to admit prior to my weight los, I was happier. Believe it or not. And now that I have lost weight, the scale has become my enemy. My worst nightmare. I try and shake it off, but can't seem to function until I stand on that scale and see the numbers. And now I pick at every lil' thing that was just a shrug off my shoulders before, has become a daily occurrence at what I see in the mirror and want to change. I hate what I see looking back at me. My nose, my stomach, my lil' love handles, even my height if I could. I get annoyed with myself and this whole obsession is beyond exhausting. I think this time around though, I'm making a change. I have come to the realization that I do have a slight problem with my appearance and need to talk to a possible therapist. I grew up in a household, where I was told, my butt was too big, I had a pouch and well having my grandfather calling me FAT at the age of 12 doesn't help. I know I will never allow myself to go to the extreme, but I know I'm slipping and I need to regain consciousness and wake up and realize that I can be healthy and not so obsessive with every lil' pound. I know the hubs is getting darn annoyed with every lil' comment I say. And I can't blame the poor guy, he gets the brunt of  it. I gotta get to the point at, where I can look at myself and say, YES, I love myself. And I'm not no where near that. But if I can kick my butt in gear and finish what's known as the hardest workout, I sure can overcome my own worst enemy. ME. I just need to be ok with it first.